The first photo you see is the first ever photo of me and Charlie. I’d been through a whirlwind of a labour. I went from thinking I’d have a natural labour to being rushed to theatre for an emergency c section. Charlie was refusing to come out and his heart rate was increasing as well as mine.

Now people think c sections are the easy way out. People say you’ve not really given birth. But I had, just not the natural way. I gave birth the way that was the safest for both me and my baby boy. The first few days were painful, moving around was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep because my scar was so painful. Then there were the thoughts.....

I used to think what sort of mother am I? I couldn’t even give birth to my son properly! I’ve failed myself! I’ve let myself down. Now onto the second photo........that man there is my dad. This is just a proof of what our relationship was like. Now when Charlie was 3 months old my dad died. The reason I’m talking about this is because not only was I dealing with the mental aspects of having a c section I also then had grief to add to it.

People often ask how are you coping? Are you ok? They say you’re so strong! You’re brave! But honestly some days I’m not! Some days I’m barely getting by. I make sure Charlie's fed, clean and clothed, and I play with him. But deep inside I’m hurting so bad.

How does a girl go from gaining one of the most beautiful precious things in life to losing the first ever love? It’s all about talking, I talk to people on Instagram, I talk to my fiancé, my friends, my family......and finally I’ve spoken to my doctor.

Don’t keep it locked it. Go and ask for help. It doesn’t make you any less of a mum. No ones going to look down on you. If anything you’re even braver than everyone thought.